Redefining Masculinity: Breaking Down Toxic Gender Roles for Better Mental Health
As a male therapist, I often get asked by clients and friends about various struggles unique to our species - how do I control my emotions, how did I find a romantic partner, how do I navigate fatherhood and managing a small business.
The unfortunate reality is there's a lot of shit out there when it comes to advice for men. I call it toxic masculinity. A quick Google search yields some interesting results - stay fit, fight for what you believe in, get smart. You have to dig to find much about emotional awareness, humility, or giving respect.
The Problem
The problem with toxic masculinity is that it not only harms men themselves, but it also harms those around them. It can lead to mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, as well as relationship problems, violence, homophobia, and gender-based discrimination. That's why it's so important that we work to break down these harmful gender roles and redefine what it means to be a man in today's society.
Mental Health
One of the biggest challenges that men face when it comes to mental health is the pressure to conform to traditional gender roles. Men are often expected to be strong and self-sufficient, and to avoid showing any signs of vulnerability or weakness. This can make it difficult for men to seek help when they're struggling with mental health issues, and can contribute to feelings of isolation and shame.
That's why it's so important to redefine masculinity in a way that promotes emotional openness and vulnerability. This means breaking down the idea that men should always be tough and stoic, and instead encouraging men to embrace their emotions and seek help when they need it.
Here are three of what I believe to be the most toxic characteristics for men:
Always needing to be right - Don't confuse this with a willingness to always back down. This has more to say about how you internally feel about your partner or friends. Sometimes those who feel they are always going along with their partner are the ones who struggle the most with this concept.
Never taking your partner's advice - This is different than just who is right and who is wrong. This is a deep-rooted core value of how you see others you are in a relationship with. Do you actually value their opinion more than you want yours to be viewed?
Believing sex is on demand - Specifically for romantic relationships, I find that men often struggle the most when it comes to sexual intimacy. For many healthy relationships, but not all, sex is a part of the relationship but it is not the pinnacle of life satisfaction so stop investing so much of your mental energy on it.
Healthy Masculinity
So, what does healthy masculinity look like? It looks like men who are comfortable expressing their emotions and seeking help when they need it. It looks like men who are able to form deep and meaningful connections with others, and who reject the idea that aggression and competitiveness are the only ways to prove their masculinity.
If you're struggling with any of these toxic characteristics, I invite you to explore these issues with me. Book a free consultation today and let's start the journey to a healthier version of yourself.
